Controlling the actions of others is beyond my capacity, but I am able to choose my response. I take a deep breath in the midst of an upsetting situation and think about my options. I choose my response constructive and positive.
Forgiveness is a choice that I commit to....
I know that I have the power to achieve whatever outcome I want. Once I commit to something, it is easy to accomplish.
Committing to forgiving others makes it a natural response whenever someone offends or hurts me.
Three years ago, I was working with my start up Molly Manners Korea. It begun out of my passion in advocating social skills especially to children. I realized all of these after teaching in one of elementary schools in Seoul.
Because of the demand, I needed to hire an instructor to help me out in attending our classes in our partner schools. In fairness, she was good. I trusted her so much and I felt so relaxed. I had big dreams of working with her throughout the years.
Controlling the actions of others is beyond my capacity, but I am able to choose my response.
After two months of working with me, I received a call from her saying that she has plan to have a start up like mine though it was a different thing from what Molly Manners is doing. She has an outstanding contract with us, so I said, please review your contract before starting anything. And if it is your plan, please send a resignation letter and I asked to please return all the materials that are in her possessions. We had a meeting to talk and discuss about it. She even assured me that it’s a different thing from what we do. So I thought it was ok, and I even said “Oh that’s good, perhaps we could be allies in this advocate”. But I said to please honor your contract before starting out! So I trusted her much that made me confident that she’ll honor and respect the contract that she signed. Until I found out that she started already. She had her business permit and everything.
When my husband who is very dependent on law and regulations when it comes business decisions learned everything, he was so certain to file a suit against her. We even consulted his legal counselor to start off. Because of copyright and intellectual concerns together with the outstanding contract that, the legal counselor was certain that there was a probable cause to file a legal suit.
But it wasn’t my concern. She is a fellow Filipino and I didn’t want to go any further especially to legal proceedings. More than legalities, I was just hurt that of all people it was her. Maybe I’m not prepared enough for that because she has a contract and I didn’t expect it that soon “honestly”. I was less prepared.
Perhaps like any other employer, I just felt betrayed that after learning everything, getting the idea of how the business run without honoring the contract she started the same business as I do in two months!. More than everything I was hurt as a friend.
I take a deep breath in the midst of an upsetting situation and think about my options. I choose to make my responses constructive and positive.
When I’m starting out, I knew the possibility for this scenario to happen. Thus, I have plan to expand it, share the business to more people especially to Filipino teachers, (I have a dream for us to be all entrepreneurs. I’m just waiting for the right time and for the business model to be fully effective and economic. If it’s not too soon and her contract has expired already maybe I wouldn’t feel the same way. I’m sure I’ll be definitely fine.
I encourage my husband to not file a suit. Though I was deeply hurt I assured him that I was ok, it happens in the business, and she’s a “kababayan” and maybe she needs it badly more than I do, so I was able to convince him not to pursue it.
Though many of my mentors, close friends and colleagues were telling me, “It was not proper not even legal, gave her a lesson.” But I chose to heal the wound through meditation and deep prayers. I chose my response to be constructive and positive.
I’m not sure if she’s aware that she hurt me, because at this moment, she didn’t even say sorry. All she knew was what she did was ok and legal. But in fairness to her she sent an email, “thanking me for being an inspiration. She said that she was able to start what she’s doing right now because of me. And she is praying for my success as well.”
Forgiveness allows me to have a clear conscience and a life of little stress.
Holding onto grudges is counterproductive because it eats away at my soul.
Today, I was able to forgive her, but it is doable because I am committed to it I’m in the process of giving her a trust again. We were able to meet in several marketing and networking events. We are civil and professionals.
Having love at the center of my words and actions makes forgiveness a natural response to our differences.
My family members and I have occasional disagreements, but I always remember to treat them with love. Whenever someone has a negative reaction towards me, I avoid thinking that I am at fault. I am kind to myself, which makes it easier to be kind and forgiving to others. How I treat myself dictates my response to those around me.
How about you? How do you forgive? How do you handle trust issue? Please feel free to write your experience on the comment section below!
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